Have you been blessed with kids that only need gentle reminders or “the look” to straighten up and behave? Do your kids always seem to bring their best behavior with them when they leave the house like during trips to the doctor’s office, grocery store or church? Would you describe your home-life as basically peaceful, joyful and filled with treasured moments? Wow! Congratulations on your mastery of parenting!
Have you been given children who require countless reminders about what is acceptable behavior and who simply don’t seem to care regardless of how many corrections or punishments they receive? Do your kids consistently push boundaries whether at home or in public? Would you describe your home-life as stressful, chaotic and frustrating? Wow! You need to read more parenting books or talk to one of the moms whose kids were referenced above!
Okay, so obviously my examples are extreme to make a point and my assessments tongue-and-cheek. But, along my own personal parenting journey I have experienced moms who seem to have absolutely everything together — including their kids — and seem under the assumption that their parenting style, disciplinary actions and even potty training tactics are the reason their kids are the way they are. I have also encountered moms who are are completely overwhelmed with feelings of failure and inadequacy because no matter what book they read, conferences they attend, or changes they try to implement, nothing seems to change.
Could it be, mommas, that our kids are actually just people too? That some are born rule-followers, while others look at rules as challenges meant to be overcome? Are some children born to please while others born boundary-pushers? It’s Bible 101 that God has given every individual free will and that includes our kids. Intellectually, I think we all know this is true; that God has made each of our children uniquely. But, in reality, I think we as parents — and especially moms — think it’s our job to mold our kids into the ideal specimens which I discussed at the start of this post. Kids who never talk back or grumble, who always behave in public and who can’t wait to grow up and become responsible, God-honoring citizens.
Certainly, molding and teaching our children is a huge piece or our roles as moms. But, I think it is so important to remember that our final products are not meant to look the same. While your rule-breaker needs to be taught respect and obedience, it’s very possible that this spark will always be there, Perhaps pushing this child to invent or become a great entrepreneur. Consider yourself blessed. Your born people-pleasure will likely function great as part of a team and will likely never be the cause of your sleepless nights. Consider yourself blessed.
No matter what, let’s not let pride, or worse yet judgement, creep in as we walk side-by-side with other moms on this journey. There are always things we can learn from each other. Do you know moms who are better at holding their tongue, keeping their temper in check, or setting aside one-on-one time with their kids? Try not to lament your own short-comings, but learn from these moms. And, if you’re fortunate enough to have kids that don’t embarrass you in public, talk back, or drive you crazy, remember that this is likely not the result of you doing everything right from birth until now. So, please, please, for the sake of the frazzled moms out there, don’t always come to the rescue with great tips, books or podcasts. Sometimes we all just need a listening ear and someone to hold our hand and remind us we have the strength to get up and do it all over again tomorrow. Our kids are not the directly correlated result of our successes or failures as people and as parents. They are, in fact, just people too.
