The end of the school year is coming to a close and I feel so blue. So yeah, I’m bummed when the school year begins; I’m bummed when it’s over; I’m a complicated person. For me, I think these feelings come from a few different places. I really do like routine, even when that routine sometimes seems stifling. The first few weeks of summer vacation are always a little weird as everyone settles into a new normal. The “Mom, are we doing anything today?” queries will come early and often. I’ve already had two today. No joke. This year, I’m also feeling a lot of guilt and regret about the execution of our year. We started the year in major “buckle down” mode after my previous year of pregnancy with our inaugural year of Sonlight. That lasted about eight weeks. We floundered for a few more. And then I switched us to Time4Learning, an online curriculum. I feel so guilty about the money spent on Sonlight as all those beautiful books, binders, CDs and worksheets gather dust. I just didn’t have it in me. I feel equally as guilty as I think about the last several months my kids spent with their heads buried online, not being academically challenged by the material, or emotionally nurtured by time learning as a family.
I know I need to snap out of it. Summer is this family’s absolutely FAVORITE time of year and I don’t want my melancholy to sully it for even a minute. As most homeschool families are rejoicing in another year “well done,” do you ever slink away and catalog your year’s failures? The books you never opened. The subjects you didn’t cover. The boxes you didn’t check. The teachable moments you didn’t seize. The times you yelled. You’re not alone, momma. So not alone.
One of the great things about homeschooling is that it is completely within our power to start each year with a clean slate. Easier said than done, I know. It’s easy to say that we need to just shut down all those negative thoughts in our head, but it is so. much. harder. to actually do it. Maybe a more realistic exercise we could commit to would be for every “failure” we rehash, we have to think of one thing we actually did right. Because I promise you we all did a lot of things right. And those failures can fuel us as we plan for the school year ahead.
My mom used to tell me to “shake the dust from my sandals” whenever I needed a clean break and to just move on from something. (Remember in the Gospels when Jesus sent the disciples out and told them if the people didn’t welcome them, they should “shake the dust” from their feet and move on?) This advice keeps coming to me as I write and wallow, and I’m reminded that a few bad months do not mean we are bad teachers, bad moms, or bad people.
Shake the dust from your flip-flops, momma, and go enjoy your summer. XO.
