This is our sixth year of homeschooling and it has been quite the journey. Some days I can’t believe I get to do this; some days I can’t believe I have to do this. And somewhere in the dichotomy of our reality, I feel the winds of change whispering through our household. Since we’ve begun homeschooling, we’ve added two more littles to our flock, now four and 9-months. We’re beginning to navigate the teen years with our oldest (13 this summer) and watching our only daughter (now 10) continue to figure out life as the only Little Pony in this scrapyard of Tonka trucks.
I never wanted to homeschool, but now I’m so glad we do. Not because it’s easy. But because it was the right choice for our family. So what’s a weird mom to do, when I’m starting to question whether or not it remains the right choice? To come right out and say it — I’m considering sending my oldest three to public school this coming year. Well, to be more specific, and because that declaration immediately makes me feel like I need to defend and explain myself, I’m considering sending them to a charter school in our neighboring district, which is expanding to open a brand new elementary school for the 2019-2020 school year. The school promises small class sizes with a strong focus on liberal arts. My daughter really wants to go. My boys don’t. You probably would have guessed that.
Needless to say, this is a HUGE decision. For months I have been debating the pros and cons and am growing increasingly weary of the mental back-and-forth. And because a well-crafted list is like a cup of hot tea for my Type A soul, I have decided that sharing this list of the reasons why I’m actually considering this, might be a good place to start to air out my thoughts and let the notions breathe a bit.
#1 OUR HOUSE LACKS DISCIPLINE
I’m starting with the big one, but I’m just trying to be honest here. We go to bed late. We sleep in. We often eat breakfast at 10 am and sometimes not at all. My kids have absolutely no concept whatsoever of a “normal” schedule or routine. I used to flaunt these realities as a jewel in my weirdo headdress, but I’m starting to consider the idea that I may be doing my children a disservice. My older two talk about college. My can’t-stand-being-told-what-to-do son talks seriously about military academies (I know…) And my own shortcomings and anxieties leave me feeling powerless to implement the seemingly simple scheduling disciplines that would come with a “real world” routine.
I can see you shaking your head, your sensible bob without a single hair out of place. I can feel you sucking in air and sitting up straighter in preparation for telling me all the ways in which I could easily implement a better routine in my homeschool. And I can see you wrinkling your nose, while pushing the hair that has effortlessly escaped your messy bun out of your eyes, ready to explain to me that the “real world” is a complete myth and that shoving the square pegs I’ve worked so hard to carve in the round holes of a “government school” is the worst thing I could do for them, for the Kingdom, for us all.
I really do understand these arguments. I even agree with much of them. But I’m beginning to understand that some of the tenants of homeschooling which we hold most sacred are true in a vacuum. For certain families. At certain times. But not necessarily for my family at this time.
#2 I THINK MY KIDS MAY GET MORE “BOOK LEARNIN’” FROM SOMEBODY ELSE
Before you go all Deuteronomy on me I believe with every fiber of my being that it is my job to educate my children in matters of morals, values and character. I believe that learning does and should happen everywhere and at all times. I believe that my children’s intrinsic values do not come from their grades, or their ability to alphabetize, or the age at which they learn to read. BUT, I also believe that education is one of the marks of an advanced society and that some of the things we learn from books, in school, just because, are actually very important. And that’s ok too.
My kids respect me (most days) as their mom. They love me as their mom. But even on our really good days, they struggle to see me as their teacher, their principal and superintendent. And maybe that’s because it’s ok if I’m not all those things. Maybe it’s ok for other people, with the gift of education in their hearts, to speak into the lives of my children. Maybe that isn’t bad. Maybe other people with degrees in education — not because you need one to teach but because they actually wanted one — can spark interest in my kids in a way that I haven’t been able to, can encourage them to strive, can motivate them to do their best and can get them, somehow, to understand that these things matter. Because after six years, I’m beginning to accept that I may not be the best person for that job.
#3 I NEED MY KIDS TO UNDERSTAND REAL WORLD RESPONSIBILITY AND TIME MANAGEMENT
One of the common stereotypes of homeschooled kids is that they are hecka responsible. And I’m sure some are. And, it’s not that my kids are irresponsible, it’s just that I struggle to get them to understand how to properly manage their time, accept responsibility and why it all matters. Again, because I’m their mom. It’s my responsibility to teach and demonstrate those things, but it’s also my responsibility to demonstrate love, grace and mercy. A boss won’t do those things. Because a boss can’t. And shouldn’t. So I’m again left to struggle in this vacuum of me telling my kids “how things work in the real world,” without actually allowing them to experience said world. Even as adults, we often struggle to understand theoretical concepts, so why should our kids be any different.
#4 I WANT MY KIDS TO BE EXPOSED TO A BROADER RANGE OF ACADEMIC SUBJECTS
I can see you bristling again. As a homeschooling family, I have complete control over the academic subjects to which my kids are exposed. If I want to narrow their focus, or expand it, that’s all within my power as their instructor. All true. Completely true. But again, this has just not been our experience. The reality of a raucous house filled with crazy (awesome) people and a nursing baby and a frankly, overwhelmed mom, have narrowed our scope over the years to the absolute bare essentials. It’s called survival mode. There are times when it is completely necessary and totally acceptable. But, maybe it’s time to break free?
#5 I WANT IT TO BE EASIER TO EXPOSE MY KIDS TO FINE ARTS
After thinking about it for well over two years, we finally (finally!) have our older three taking piano lessons. They LOVE it! I love watching their brains grow and think differently as they are beginning to open their minds to the magical world of music. But it was not easy to get us to this point. And art? Every single year I talk about buying one of the many awesome art curriculums available to walk my kids through some traditional art instruction. But, I never have. It’s easy to relegate the spend to a second tier when the core subjects can run hundred of dollars, and I’ve used up every ounce of patience and energy I possess just to get those core subjects taught. I love music and art. I always have. I think they’re incredibly important and kids should definitely be exposed to them. But wow, it’s not easy when you homeschool. And don’t let anybody tell you it is. There are ways to do so. Absolutely. But we are always fighting our own realities.
#6 MAYBE MY KIDS DESERVE A BETTER VERSION OF ME
Homeschooling has made me a better mother and has enriched my life in ways I never imagined. I am closer to my kids and more comfortable in my own (weird) skin than I ever would have been if we hadn’t taken the step of obedience to begin this journey. But the last six years didn’t happen in a vacuum. Life happened over these last six years and has left different people in its wake. And that’s ok, right? Even good, maybe? Apart from homeschooling, the challenges of the last six years (which I still haven’t figured out how to document here) have molded my being in ways I never foresaw. And the demands of homeschooling have, in many ways, slowed the necessary healing, the time needed to process these challenges, and have left me in some ways, less of the mother than my kids deserve. What if a change is needed to reset our courses to a healthier future?
#7 OUR HOUSEHOLD NEEDS MANAGING
Woman are born multitaskers. I don’t think anyone disputes this. It’s just one of the ways that God created us. Some days can leave us feeling more empowered than others in our ability to wear multiple hats while spinning dozens of plates and keeping all the balls in the air, but again, we find our present realities creeping in to determine which hat is on top, which plate is most breakable and which ball gets our greatest focus. The reality of my household, as my kids get older and my husband’s business grows is that our household needs a dedicated manager, an active overseer. Sometimes I feel like it isn’t so much about the maximum number of plates we can spin, but about the degree to which we can spin them well. We can’t do everything. We know that. But maybe it’s ok if the things we choose to focus on change and morph with the passing of time. Maybe.
All in all, some deep noise. This wasn’t an easy post to write because for a complete weirdo, I don’t actually delight in scrutiny and, in many ways, fear judgement. And after spending six years becoming one of the homeschool crowd, I worry about how it will feel to find our footing again with a new crowd, if that’s how we choose to go.
Please please tell me I’m not the only one to have contemplated these things. Are there any former homeschoolers out there who made the switch to “regular” school? Did it work? Was it horrible? Would you do anything differently, if you had the chance to do it again?
My reality probably doesn’t look like yours and we may not always examine things through the same lens, but we’re all in this motherhood thing together, right? I’d love to hear your perspective on all of this. Please leave a comment below or on my Facebook page. Lets talk!
